Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life: The Chump Lady's Survival Guide

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My self-esteem really took a hit after the discovery and being as Type A as I am, I wanted to find any resource I could so I could start feeling better about myself. Schorn is unambiguous where other books dance around that feeling inside you that you didn’t ask for this, that the affair partner made their own choices and didn’t handle relationship issues in an honorable way. They usually try to up their kibble game with “remorse,” or more in-your-face antics to get a rise out of you. If anything it reminded me of the fact that there are sadly so many others out there facing similar situations and, more importantly, it reminded me that with time I’ll come out better from this. The book is based on the stark polarity of 'right wrong' 'saint sinner' 'good bad'-with no in between.

Full of snark, sass, and real wisdom about how to bounce back after the gut blow of betrayal, Schorn is the friend who guides you through this nightmare and gives you hope for a better life ahead. The author uses an intense take-no-prisoners linguistic style and some readers will find that strategy appealing.Please I think I'm looking for a little bit conformation on what I need to do and that is get the heck away from this loser. The unfaithful spouse had a multitude of other choices they could have made, but understanding the various influences at play in a person’s life is necessary for healing, whether or not the marriage survives. You cannot cheat on someone without gaslighting and lying to them, denying their reality, bit by bit, lie by lie. This person has just demonstrated to you in the most intimate and humiliating way how little respect they have for your feelings. The involved spouse must be committed to change and the injured spouse may join them in building a renewed marriage IF THEY WANT TO and if the genuine work of rebuilding trust has been done.

I agree with everything Tracy Schorn says, I get all her references, and all my decisions happen to be in line with her advice. If you let this pain crack open your heart and you accept the vulnerability and chaos, you’re going to be a better person for it. this is because betrayed people who have had their personal dignity violated are very susceptible to hate contagion. He could honestly believe that getting his needs met with out breaking up the family is being a good person. Surely being guided by someone you know for 30 odd years through the final years of one life is better than taking a chance on a new love who’s faults have not surfaced yet.

No motive justifies betrayal, but it’s not accurate to say that every cheater is driven by the same reason. I wish you all the best and hope that life gives you the opportunity to experience true forgiveness and restoration of faith and trust in people. These are the following core elements that she is perpetuating ~ indignation,intense dislike, negative binary stereotyping , total lack of empathy for the hated (the book takes no account of the emotional turmoil of the offender) and a basic underlying tone of sneering hostility. By completing your purchase, you agree to Audible's Conditions of Use and authorise Audible to charge your designated card or any other card on file.

Just because someone tried to fuck with your reality doesn’t mean they succeeded in actually altering reality. A new and useful section about how to not obsess over the Other Woman (or Other Man) has been added, but the book still lacks a chapter on emotional affairs, which I think the book could have used. I’d like to review this book by pointing out my primary agreements and disagreements with its author, and who I believe will be helped or hindered by reading it. Many well-meaning people are too quick to direct a betrayed spouse into attempts to save their marriage. From the author: “I believe people cheat because they give themselves permission to cheat—and that’s a matter of character… After suffering my own series of false reconciliations, reading infidelity boards, and running my own blog, I’ve yet to see the grateful, prodigal unicorn.In the two years since reading the original version, I have finished my master’s degree, started and finished a human resources certificate, transferred to a position that is closer to home and far less stressful, improved my credit, traded in my 2001 beater car with 176K miles on it for a new 2016 Toyota Corolla without any cosigning or financial help from anyone, participated in a theology seminar wherein someone actually paid me to fly out to California and do theology for two weeks (it was amazing), lined up a peer-reviewed article to publish, and had a septorhinoplasty that fixed my crooked nose along with my breathing. Unfortunately there is excessive black and white reasoning in the book and waaaay too much bitterness. In fact, sometimes the best thing we can do for a client who is trying to save their marriage is to encourage them NOT to.

Chumps get stuck in these mental ruts of analysis and self-recrimination because that is less frightening than realizing the person you love is capable of casual betrayal. She uses a lot of jargon but provides a glossary and some of her sayings are awesome: Don’t waste your life on a barbed wire monkey (p. I needed a reminder on some of the key lessons, although I’m also glad for the ways a year has provided some healing (still not quite to meh, but getting closer).

but because so many were personal, vicious, and without any interest in actually listening to another point of view. And because they value superficial external validation over the partner who has committed the most vulnerable pieces of their heart and soul to them.